eight

Guys are the same, no matter how old.

I looked down at Jeff.  He’d wrapped around my body, put his head on my chest and fallen asleep all in the save movement.  I twisted his dark hairs, wondering how long before it would start to curl and he’d have to cut it.

But Jeff’s not like other guys.

I chided myself for thinking it, though it was so obvious as to be inescapable.  Jeff was Jeff.  And he wasn’t Jeff because he was young.  He was a generous, honest person.  As he held me tight, breathing shallow and even, I felt reassured that this whole thing had been okay, that he really wanted it and wouldn’t regret being with me for his first time.  In fact, I was impressed.  Smiling at the thought, I closed my eyes and drifted off.

I woke in the darkness, not used to having someone attached to me.  In our sleep, I’d moved underneath Jeff until his lap was pressed to my inner thigh, just barely south of where it wanted to be.  I gasped, realizing what was happening, and it made Jeff stir.  It only took him a second to process how close we were to having sex again and he froze, entire body rigid.

“Oh my God,” he said, voice quiet but sudden.  “I’m sorry.  I was dreaming.  Never had a naked girl in my bed before.”  He moved to roll away, but I held him in.  It only took ten seconds of knowing he was naked and on top of me to turn me on.  Jeff exhaled in a whoosh as I wrapped my fingers around his hard-on.

“It’s okay,” I whispered, moving my hand along his length.  His breathing quickly became rapid and short.  He kissed my neck then turned onto his back, giving me room to maneuver.  There was an urge to giggle, but instead I counted to forty-five before Jeff started trembling.  Fifty-five he was taut as a wire and I wasn’t to sixty before he moaned low and soft and came against my skin.

“Holy shit.”  His forehead was slightly sticky with sweat as he found my mouth.  The kiss tasted like sleep and warmth.  I wiped my hand on the far side of the sheet and let Jeff pull me close, his chest still rising steeply.  He snickered to himself.

“What?”

“That was so much better than when I do it.”

I lost it.  The nervous laughter I’d been squashing bubbled up and over - he turned me into a kid, fumbling around in the dark.  It made Jeff laugh too and we lay there, tangled and damp, cracking up.  I could feel him blushing, but somewhere around losing his virginity Jeff had found a little more confidence.  Or maybe he was just comfortable.

“I’ll probably wake you up again in an hour,” he admitted.

“Nope,” I said.  “It’s four in the morning.  No sex on gamedays.”

“Oh come on!” he groaned.  “No one follows that rule.”

I pricked my nails along his spine.  “I am a good girl.”

“You’re good alright,” he tried to sound sexy, running his hand over and in between my legs.  I lost a tiny breath as thick fingers pressed up between my thighs.  It wouldn’t take Jeff long to figure out how to spin my dial and then he’d have unlocked in a second.  I was already losing the upper hand.

“I’ll get a note from Eric,” he offered.

I pulled a pillow over Jeff’s face.  “No!  You’re already becoming a sex addict!”

His laugh was muffled - better that I couldn’t see those dimples.  “Oh, I was like this before.”
____

There she was again - Tori in her bare feet, making breakfast in my kitchen.  This time she wore nothing but one of my t-shirts and presumably those great striped panties from last night.  I walked right up behind her and pressed against her back, shamelessly groping her ass - yup, panties.  Damn.  It was amazing how... familiar she felt after just one incredible night.

Well, two.

But last night was one for the record books.

I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but last night surpassed it.  Not only had it felt life-changing to be with Tori for the first time, but afterward I felt so close to her.  We were sharing an extra secret by not telling people what we were doing.  I knew her in a different way, and she knew me.  That felt just as good as anything.  There was still fumbling and blushing and humping her awake in the middle of the night, but it all seemed so... intimate.

On top of everything I learned from Tori’s body last night, I learned two things from myself:

I’m crazy about her.

I can’t ruin this.

As I put plates and silverware out, moving around her station in front of the stove, I reminded myself that I had to be very careful here.  The Tori in my mind could be anything I wanted, but she could never know.  I’d had a taste of what could be a long and glorious engagement - and Tori had made it clear that’s all I was going to get.  And I really, really wanted to get it.  Often.

Maybe guys fall in love with every girl they sleep with.

But I’d been around enough hockey players to know that wasn’t true.

“Mmm,” I ditched the breakfast cups and rubbed my nose into her neck.  She giggled, squirming but not trying to get away.  Her skin smelled like daylight - airy, fresh, soothing - and I breathed in deeply as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

“Sure a note from Eric won’t do it?  I could call him.  He’s on speed dial.”

To my surprise, Tori spun right into my chest.  Her breasts pushed up against me, her leg fit into the space between my knees and she kissed me, long and hard and deep.  My hands lifted the shirt from her backside and cupped those perfectly round cheeks.  Tori twisted herself against me and made a soft little moaning noise.

“Jeff,” she whispered in a husky voice I’d never heard.  I swear, if we went for round two right here on the kitchen floor I’d rope it off like a museum and never use it again.  Except for more of this.  Or would it be better on the counter.  I could pick her right up and....

“Jeff,” Tori repeated, a smirk forming in the corner of her mouth.  I focused on her eyes.

“After the game.”

My heart sank.  No way I could wait that long.  A very mature pout came to my face, like a kid told he couldn’t pet the big, stripey kitties at the zoo who were pawing at the glass.  Tori squeezed a handful of my ass.

“Don’t forget to do your homework.”

As if I could do anything else.  We ate, then Tori got dressed. She let me hump her against the wall for a few minutes before leaving, then I went straight to the shower alone and relieved every second of the night before so hard that I thought it might be less taxing to have actual sex with Tori instead.  She was much better at it than I was.

After an hour of stalking the house like a cage, I went to the rink early.  As always, Eric was the first person I saw.  If he hadn’t managed to make a baby I’d swear he slept at that place.

“Skins!  How did your... holy shit!” His voice rose, then he quickly cut it to a harsh whisper.  “You little dog, you got laid!”

I begged for the Earth to open and swallow me.  The blush came so hot and fast I nearly fainted.  My hands covering my face did little to hide the truth.

I can’t even lie to protect her.

Eric slapped me on the back, then came around for a full-on hug like we were celebrating a game winning goal.  Huge smile.  I thought he might pump a fist and whoop for joy.  Still I waited to combust from embarrassment.

“Bro, how was it?  How’d you do?  Man, this is exciting!”

“Shut up!  If anyone finds out she’ll lose her job and then....”

He nodded.  “Then she’ll stop banging you, and you’ll be back to searching for your one true Hannah Montana.  Can’t have that.  But seriously, how’d it go?”

“I’m not telling you.”  Because telling him one thing would lead to another and I knew that my feelings for Tori, beyond the sex, were way too close to the top after last night.

“Did you spunk off before you got there?  It’s okay, happens to noobs all the time.  I’m sure she’ll....”

“I didn’t!”  Okay, his lies would be worse than the truth.  “It was....”

The snarky sarcasm disappeared from Eric’s face and the protective, almost-fatherly smile took it’s place.  His arm went around my shoulders.  I could feel his eyes examining me like a CSI but I couldn’t bring myself to meet them.  

“Uh oh.  She doesn’t know.”

“Know what?”

“How much you like her.”

It was all over my face.  It had probably shone like a billboard while I was with Tori.  I might have reevaluate letting her turn the light on.  For now I just sank down to the bench in front of my locker and let my back round, as if it could protect me.  Eric already knew, I’d already betrayed her trust.  I might as well let him help me.

“We’re not... together.”

His laugh was more of a bark - once, short, stuffed back down his throat when he realized I wasn’t joining him.  “You’re kidding.”

I shook my head.

“What, friends with benefits?!  Jesus, Jeff.  You managed to get a hot girl to take you to bed, no strings attached?  And you probably told her you were a virgin.  So she’s what, teaching you as you go?”

It sounded so... needy.

“Fucking right!  That’s like the Holy Grail, Skins!  Hot for teacher?  You are killing me.”  He shoved me so hard I almost fell off the seat.  “And you fall in love with her the first time she lets you... sorry,” he stopped himself.  “You go and fall in love with her.”

Apparently I didn’t even need to be here while Eric told himself the entire story.

“What’s her deal, bad breakup?  Some guy cheat on her and now she thinks all guys are scum?”

I shrugged.  Something like that.  Eric was quiet, like he was trying to reason my way out of this.  The captain C went everywhere with Eric - he was a problem-solver, a fixer.  He saw a challenge and went out to meet it, even off the ice.  It took about a minute.

“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do.”
_____

“What is into you?” Shana asked, dropping into a seat across from me at the coffeeshop.  I thought I’d sounded normal on the phone but apparently not.

“Wait, ohmygod.  Actually INTO YOU?  That’s... ohgod!”  She burst out laughing and covered her face, but her eyes stayed wide. “You.... He... shit. Wow.”

I just shrugged.  “Yup.”

“AND...?”

“And... it was nice.”

“NICE?!” Shana practically screams. I have to reach out and hold her arm down to keep her in the chair.  She leaned over and whispered.  “Nice?!  As in ‘I will share my juice box with you’ or ‘I made you scream so loud the neighbors called the cops’?  What are we talking about here?”

I put my head down on the table.  It was definitely not an elementary school recess kiss behind the swing set.  It was more...  “It was good,” my resolve just crumbled.  “Really good.”

Shana rolled her hand, anxious for more information.

“He was so sweet, Shana, but he’s not that awkward.  I mean, he is - he’s Jeff.  And he was nervous.  But he figured it out pretty quickly and, he’s...,” I took a deep breath before I said this out loud for the first time, “he’s really sexy.  He has no idea but the way he kisses me, and he touches me like he’s never touched anyone before.”

“Because he hasn’t.”

“Oh shut up,” I threw a napkin at her.  “It’s a lot different from being with someone who’s banging half of Raleigh.”

“You mean it’s a lot better.”  Shana took a long, dramatic sip of her latte.  She always paused for effect before passing judgement on someone.  “You like him.”

“Uh, no.  We’re just friends.  And it’s not better - sex with Allan was fantastic.  It was the only thing he was good at.  Probably because he practiced so much.”

It still stung to say Allan’s name.  I hadn’t loved him but I had been a fool.  He cheated on me because I wasn’t enough for him; I couldn’t give him whatever he needed.  Isn’t that why guys cheat?  Even if all he did was have sex with the other girls, that was worse.  I’d been so sure it was good for him too.

Maybe I’m not the person to be teaching Jeff anything.

“Jeff is not Allan and you know it.”  She left the rest of her thought unsaid: you can trust him.  

“But I’m still me.  And I’m still really angry.  The idea of anything serious right now makes me want to throw up until I die.  And if I ever hurt him... I can’t, Shana.  I can’t risk it.  Not with Jeff.  He’s so....”

“Cute,” she finished for me.

I smiled sadly.  “I was going to say ‘perfect’.”

She humored me by talking about herself and anything else that wasn’t Jeff, while I ignored her and thought about the night before.  I knew it would be a big deal to him, but it had felt more important to me than I expected.  Maybe it was just the honor of being someone first time - premeditated, intended, almost chosen.  I felt really special.

“So I told Eric there’s no way that I can sleep with him if I’m dating Jordan.  And he’s married - it’s just so tacky!  But if he wants to buy me a helicopter, than at least I could get back from Pittsburgh in time for Hot Tub Tuesdays.”

“What?” I asked, tuning in.

Shana rolled her eyes.  “Just telling you MY problems for once.  My problems are always larger and more blond than yours.”

“Speaking of Staals, do you want to go to the game tonight?”
_